This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
Paruresis was peripheral in my childhood, crippled my adult life for some painful years, and now is no longer part of it.
I haven’t posted on this board for a couple of years, so I figure its time to post a message explaining how I got over paruresis, in case it helps anyone else.
I am going through cognitive therapy right now for depression, and have faith in that form of therapy, but what pushed paruresis out of my life wasn't therapy, it was catheters and the psychological relief they gave me, that eventually released me of my anxiety.
No, they are not painful. No, you don’t have to worry about infections. The kind of catheter I carry with me is really small, looks like a tube of lipstick. I had to go to three doctors before I found one that would listen to me and believe me about my problem. I finally found a urologist who knew about paruresis and he referred me to a nurse to learn how to use a small, disposable catheter. She said there was nothing to be ashamed of, that paruresis was pretty common.
She gave me a box of disposable catheters and said I could get more if I needed them. At first I had to use them in stressful situations when I couldn’t pee. I felt really ashamed (and was paranoid about getting an infection).
I persisted in telling myself that I had nothing to be ashamed of.
Soon, knowing that I had a catheter with me was enough, I didn’t have to use it. I always carry one in my purse.
I would say it took a few months before I felt really that paruresis wasn’t a big deal and my anxiety level dissipated. I had nothing to be scared of or panic about anymore.
Two years later, I still carry a catheter. I had to use one once recently in a stressful situation. I probably hadn’t used one in a year. And I just shrugged and thought, who cares? No reason to feel ashamed or panic.
That is the truth. You have NO REASON to feel ashamed or panic. You can get over paruresis, you really can.
I hope my experience helps someone. You have nothing to lose by finding a good urologist who knows about paruresis, and talking about the option of a catheter. It may not be easy, I remember one of the doctors I went to was rather dismissive and I was very upset. But who cares? It’s not your fault if a doctor doesn’t know about this problem, which nowadays is very well documented.
Persist. Plenty of people have this problem, so it's about time doctors learn about it.
Well done for sticking up for what you needed and carrying on till you found a helpful doctor; that took the sort of persistence that is needed to deal with this condition.
As for using a catheter: you have EVERY REASON to use whatever is needed to avoid the pain of a full bladder. A catheter is a very sensible and reasonable way to deal with the anxiety involved.
And do allow yourself as much time as you need in the toilet; its yours till yo have finished: there is no set time.
