U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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I don't know how to feel...

Posted by JamesC on 2/9/2008, 8:35 pm

Okay. I'm 21... and this is really starting to get to me now. I'm not sure what to do... I live in London... and, well, I want to go to a workshop... but I'm terrified... I'm avoiding the bogs at work... and it's just upsetting me.

Do people honestly think the workshops made a difference? What changed? Seriously.

Ahhh. I'm in such a bad place, right now.

Re: I don't know how to feel...

Posted by Andrew on 2/9/2008, 8:55 pm, in reply to "I don't know how to feel..."

Hi James

I always ask the guys on the workhops to post their feedbcak, because most of them only booked on because of the feedback they had read. So they post their feedback and new guys read it and book on.....and so on.

I feel it is better to read feedback than for me to promote them. There are about 1500 messages spread over five pages here, and feedback is scattered throughout. Take the time to skim through and find them.

We have held 39 workshops so far and helped about 270 men and women. If it did not work, they would have said so here!!

As for being terrified, that's understandable, which is why we say
"Participants at workshops usually say that it took some nerve to commit to coming, and even more just to turn up on the day, but that they were very quickly put at their ease; they have never regretted attending. It is run in a relaxed informal way, and no-one is ever put under pressure to do anything they do not want to do; also you will always be in control of what you do. Note also that everyone there has AP or is recovering from having AP, so there will be no puzzled looks to deal with!"

Some even say it was "fun" in a hard-to-believe way.

cheers

Andrew
Chairman

Re: I don't know how to feel...

Posted by JamesC on 2/9/2008, 9:23 pm, in reply to "Re: I don't know how to feel..."

So... I could say no to something... and I wouldn't be forced? That would be alright, I think...

I'm just worried that it wouldn't work for me... I'm scared shitless I guess

Re: I don't know how to feel...

Posted by Jan on 3/9/2008, 11:33 am, in reply to "Re: I don't know how to feel..."

Hello JamesC,

Just a short comment on the workshops.
It's hard to walk into that room, but once you're in you will be amazed how fast you feel at ease.
Before you know you'll be chatting to the persons next to you and discover that they are all perfectly normal people, just like you and me.
And the fact that everybody is there for the same reason makes it even easier.

All the best

Re: I don't know how to feel...

Posted by Andrew on 3/9/2008, 1:35 pm, in reply to "Re: I don't know how to feel..."

Hi James

Forced!!!?? No way!

WE will teach you how your body works, how to think, how to fluid load, how to do desensitisation, etc etc. YOU will start from a safe setup that YOU choose. Only when YOU are comfortable with that would YOU change the setup a little bit to introduce a little bit of challenge...and so on, one small step at a time.

Look on the website at the page called "Cognitive Therapy and Practical Advice": at the bottom you will see example starting set-ups (we call them hierarchies); you will see how "safe" the start can be, and how small the steps are.

As for being scared shitless, you won't be the first to feel like that: its allowed and expected that everyone will be on a range from being apprehensive through nervous, very anxious, to shitting bricks; but that passes quickly. In effect, the hardest part is booking on and turning up; after that it gets easier. Why? Because we have been there: we understand, we listen, we support. So far everyone has very quickly come to trust us absolutely.

Does that help you?

Andrew

Re: I don't know how to feel...

Posted by JamesC on 3/9/2008, 9:02 pm, in reply to "Re: I don't know how to feel..."

Reading all of this, I'm feeling really positive... like, so what if life's a *little* bit crappy at some points right now...

This...
"
WE will teach you how your body works, how to think, how to fluid load, how to do desensitisation, etc etc. YOU will start from a safe setup that YOU choose. Only when YOU are comfortable with that would YOU change the setup a little bit to introduce a little bit of challenge...and so on, one small step at a time.
"

...made me happy.

I need to realise that I've made the decision to change, and I will... it just might take time. I have to also realise my victories... I went in a busy pub toilet in Soho (and this was a Friday after work drinks busy... ####ing rammed, and I was standing outside) ...the bathroom was empty, and it was a completely close cubical... but I did it. I also managed in another pub in London on the same night (luckily the same situation)... so I've got to tell myself that things are going to get better.

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