My story

Posted by Emma on 11/4/2008, 11:05 pm

Hello everybody! My name is Emma. Im a first time poster here. I dont speak the best english but i hope most of you will understand me Im a 20 year old girl from sweden. I have suffered with paruresis in many years now (since I was about eight or nine). It has never bodder me that much. From the start it wasn't that serious. It was more like "on and off"...if you understand what I mean. And since I graduated school it only getting whorse and whorse. I have no life anymore. I cant go on a trip, visit a friend for a longer time, go on parties...you name it. I cant use any toilet but my own! At first i decided not to tell anyone. I wanted to do this on my own. I used books and internet to find the right therapy and exercises. After a few weeks I understood that i needed to talk with someone...i couldn't do this on my own anymore. At first at turned to Andrew...he helped me very much (Thank you again). With him I cleard some thinks up. He helped me find exactly what i needed to work first (and most) on. After that i decided to tell my boyfriend about it. That was a big relief...he understands me. And he told me that he even have the same problem sometimes. When I finally told my boyfriend i felt like i could tell anyone about my problem...its hard..but I can really do it! I dont care if people knows or not anymore. So yesterday I talked with my mother about it. She also understands me. It helps me very much to know that my family knows. Now im not alone anymore! They will help me to get through this. Today I visit a doctor for the first time with this problem. I wanted to discuss catheters, but he didn't think that was a good idea to start with. He is right. He will talk with a therapist about it. And soon im starting on a treatment. Right now I really dont know what i feel. Sometimes i feel like I never will get rid of this problem, and somtimes I actually seeing hope. I have my entire life i front of me...and i dont want to live it like this. Wish me luck! Emma