U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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could not wee

Posted by susan on 4/5/2007, 1:58 pm

just found this site. im22, female, had few occacions when i could not wee in public loos but nothing too dramatic. Last week was on long coach journey. i had had several drinks before leaving and when we stopped at the service station I was desperate for a wee. To my horror i just could not wee at all in the public loos, even though my bladder was so full and i knew that the coach would not stopagain for another 2 hour and a half.I had to get back on the coach and wonder how i could manage my distended bladder. the journey was agony as my bladder filled up even more but i just haad to wait. i could not understand why i had been unable to wee when my bladder was so full. At the end of the journey my bladder just gave little contractions and i could not stop spurts of wee escaping into my underwear. i felt so embarresssed and humiliated. Now I am so scared that everytime i need to wee that the same will happen and i wont be able to wee when i need to

Re: could not wee

Posted by john on 4/5/2007, 2:13 pm, in reply to "could not wee"

sorry to hear about your difficult experience. i do find that if it is really important for me to wee, like before a journey then the anxiety makes it more likely that i will not be able to wee.It must have been a shock for you to suddenly get caught with such a full bladder and then having to hold on and wait with no prospect of relief for so long. Are you managing to use public loos now, and are you ok at work? Best wishes, John

Re: could not wee

Posted by simon on 4/5/2007, 6:09 pm, in reply to "could not wee"

Dear Susan i'm so sorry to hear about your nightmare journey i too have experienced this on a plane and know all too well how awful and indeed physically painful such an event can be plus it must have been a real shock for you. All i can say is that you are not alone and that i understand where your coming from completely!
take care
Si

Re: could not wee

Posted by susan on 4/5/2007, 6:58 pm, in reply to "Re: could not wee"

thanks for your supportive messages, John and Simon. its nice to know im not unique. Im going out for drinks tonight with friends, i just hope my bladder behaves itself, i really really hate it when im desperate for a wee and yet cant use a loo and end up having to try to manage to chat to people when my bladder is absolutly bursting. susan

Re: could not wee

Posted by Andrew on 4/5/2007, 10:00 pm, in reply to "Re: could not wee"

Hi Susan
What a frightening experience for you. Part of the problem can be that experiences like that end up linking a toilet with failure, so causing you to expect difficulty.
When you go out, do not wait till you need the loo; go in early just to check it out; do your hair, touch up your make up, wash your hands, go in the loo and "fake" it - i.e. go through the motions even to you don't need a wee. Take your time, and get comfortable with the place. Then later don't wait till you are bursting, but go when there is a comfortable urge. Do like before: hair, makeup, and then take your time in the loo itself. Treat the place as a rest room, a place to take your time in.
Look on our website for the list of all the techniques for relaxation, attitude etc etc. Practice them every time you go especially home.
cheers
Andrew

Re: could not wee

Posted by AndyM on 4/5/2007, 11:26 pm, in reply to "Re: could not wee"

Susan--
Sorry to hear of your Coach From Hell Trip. I had a similar experience where, when the coach finally arrived at its destination, when I got out of my seat I couldn't stand up straight; the pain was that bad. With a couple of Workshops behind me, transportation toilets (including those at the airports or depots you travel through) aren't much of a problem for me anymore (that's what you have to look forward to, when you attend Workshops). But if they still were, I'd go to a medical professional to learn how to self-catheterise. Many who have done so have reported (on the UK and US sites) that just knowing you've always got Plan B available, often takes away enough of the stress that they end up being able to pee without having to resort to it. But in a worst-case situation, you've got your catheter.
I hope you'll learn all you can about recovery from the forums and the recommended literature and that you'll be able to attend a Workshop in the near future. Believe it or not, I consider you lucky. If I had found recovery in my early 20s, the quality of my life would have been so much better. I wish you much success.
--AndyM

Re: could not wee

Posted by Carol on 13/5/2007, 4:42 am, in reply to "could not wee"

Hi susan, sorry to hear of your terrible ordeal. When i know i have a long journey ahead, the day before, i drink plenty of fluids (if im at home and can pee with no problem), then the day of my long journey i dont drink any fluids at all. Yip, that means you become very dehydrated. I might carry a small bottle of water and when i know that im almost back home or at a destination where i know i dont have problems peeing then i will slowing drink small amounts from the bottle. By the time you get to your destination you will be able to pee. It sounds drastic but i cant bear the hassle and being annoyed with myself for not being able to pee. Being dehydrated is less hassle to me that bursting for the toilet and being in alot of pain for a long period of time. Let me know how you get on. Carol

Re: could not wee

Posted by jill on 13/5/2007, 5:38 pm, in reply to "Re: could not wee"

Hi Susan, sorry to hear of your bladder difficulty. i found a bit like you that mine started quite suddenly and unexpectedly. once it had happened i got so anxious about going to the loo that this seemed to make it so much worse. Funny thing is that even though i have often ended up with my bladder full to bursting point i have never ended up wetting myself, even though I am often afraid that that will happen. I eventually got up the courage to tell my boyfriend about it, instead of just suffering in silence, I was amazed how sympathetic and supportive he was. Best Wishes, Jill

Re: could not wee

Posted by Marc Palmer on 10/7/2008, 10:12 am, in reply to "could not wee"

I went to a wedding once, at a country house, miles from anywhere with only a small restroom with one cubical, so in the end I had to wait 10 hours until we got back to our hotel room, as once outside it was just pitch black.
I used to be ok at service stations, but now ive even got problems here, and as for going out I try, as with work, to drink early on then cutting back, thus taking away the need to go.
This problem may have started when I was at the Tour de France once where because of a double booking at the hotel I had to share a room with the coach driver and somebody else. The only problem was that it was a small room with no tolilet door.
And I think that my second worst time was on the way back from Spain where at the airport the flight was delayed and it was packed.
I mananged in the end, but even when you found a working, unblocked cubical there aways seemed to be someboby waiting for you to finish and get out.

Its great to find a site like this and to be able to share this problem,
thanks
Marc

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