U.K. PARURESIS TRUST: poem on paruresis

the IPA site enquired about this poem
I managed to track it down and got the author's permission to post it here

Humorous and cathartic
Enjoy

Urinal Fear

Waiting in pain outside the toilet door,
I jealously watch those who stand and pee.
Take me away to some deserted tor,
The great outdoors where nobody can see.
Oh, how I damn this most hateful of diseases,
Indoor affliction: avoidant paruresis.

I tell you the truth, only when I’m sure,
No-one else lurks in this vicinity,
Will my bashful bladder come to the fore
And deign to unload its cargo of wee.
So I must go where the quiet and the peace is –
Solitary curse: avoidant paruresis.

If I’m to unleash the urine I store,
To let loose a river, yellow and free,
I always must heed the country’s allure,
The call to my streams from hillsides of scree.
I’ll climb hill and dale, no matter the wheezes,
Strenuous illness: avoidant paruresis.

Away from the hills, here’s what I deplore,
The anathema to my malady:
Public urinals, a festering sore,
A terrible blight on society;
At the sight of such a thing my lifeblood freezes,
Ossifying bane: avoidant paruresis.

Waiting for the cubicle, such a chore,
What I’d give for a field and a tree,
Or the slopes of the mountains I adore,
Where, I’m certain, there’s no-one watching me.
God created mountains (here’s my new thesis)
Purely for relief, avoidant paruresis.

Written by Joel Danno