Posted by Carol Olmert on 22/5/2009, 11:41 pm, in reply to "First time user!"

Dear Sally, Andrew has kindly written to me about your post, and I will attempt to respond to the best of my ability. My name is Carol Olmert, and I am the Women's Coordinator for the International Paruresis Association, the USA-based organization that is the sister to the UK Paruresis Trust. I can completely relate to your situation and struggles because what you describe was my reality for many years. It is my hope that you will find some encouragement and inspiration to commit to a recovery program so that you can overcome your physical and mental pain. Here's a little about me. When I was 13 years old, I developed a fear about urinating in bathrooms if anyone else was around. For over 40 years, I suffered from a bad case of shy bladder. In the beginning, I couldn’t stay overnight at friends’ or relatives’ houses or go on a ski trip – or any kind of trip – that required me to share a bathroom with others. Sometimes I wasn’t able to pee even in my own home if visitors, and sometimes even my parents, were close by or someone was waiting for me. When I moved away to attend college, I spent the first week in the student health center. In short, my condition dominated my life, and I felt very alone and isolated because of it. In addition to the physical comfort, the emotional toll that was exacted was just as debilitating: my self-esteem and self-confidence were eroded. I had good coping skills. I refrained from drinking liquids, or I held my urine until I got home. I excelled at locating unoccupied or single-stall public bathrooms. Eventually, I learned to catheterize myself by inserting a tube(catheter)into my urethra that automatically releases the flow of urine. Traveling, as you mentioned, became a nightmare. But as my condition worsened over the years and my coping strategies began to expire, I avoided using public restrooms almost altogether and finally reached a point where I was afraid to leave the security of my own private bathroom for more than a few hours at a time. Initially, my anxious parents took me to a urologist for tests. No physical cause was ever found, and the doctor told my mother the problem would just go away “once I got married”. Over the years I sought help from physicians and mental health specialists. I experimented with alternative techniques, such as hypnosis, biofeedback, and more. No one seemed to know what to do or how to help me. Mostly, I felt so embarrassed and, above all, so alone and helpless. All I wanted was to pee normally like everyone else. In 1997, I discovered an Internet Discussion Board that put me in touch with other sufferers, mostly men. As it turns out, each of us felt we were the only ones in the world who had this condition. I communicated and commiserated with them on a regular basis. There I found a tremendous amount of support and understanding. With their encouragement, I enrolled in two recovery workshops that focused on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a very effective technique for those with performance-related anxiety or phobic issues. I practiced many of the behavioral exercises that I learned over and over again, exposing myself to situations I never thought possible. I also learned to change my thinking about the people I might encounter in a bathroom. As a result, I slowly recovered. I came out of the “water closet”! My life has changed in many positive and remarkable ways. By feeling entitled to stay in a bathroom stall for as long as I like, I felt empowered – that I counted, that I was just as important as the next person. I took new risks: I got married for the first time! I became a much stronger person. I increased my resolve to help others, especially women, recover from shy bladder. I became active in the International Paruresis Association, respond to queries from female paruretics across the globe, and co-facilitated two all-women’s recovery workshops. Recently, I wrote and published a book, “Bathrooms Make Me Nervous”, which aims to help others, especially women, come out of the water closet by sharing my own personal journey (www.bathroomsmakemenervous.com) So the good news is that you have now discovered a group of people who are here to support you, and you know you are no longer alone. You have also told a lot of people about your condition, something that many paruretics have a hard time doing. Many are so ashamed and embarrassed they won't even talk to their doctors, many of whom are ignorant about the condition in the first place. The bad news is that there isn't any easy "cure" or pill you can swallow. You can learn to self-catheterize, which is very helpful and can get you out of difficult circumstances. However, to truly overcome paruresis, you need to commit to a regular treatment program. I strongly encourage you to do everything you can to get to the next workshop where you will learn many of the graduated exposure exercises that will allow you to begin approaching - rather than avoiding - bathrooms ONE STEP AT A TIME. For me, that was the beginning of recovery that ultimately changed the course of my life. Good luck, and let us hear from you. Carol Olmert

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