Posted by Fabio on 8/12/2008, 7:47 pm

I thought I'd write a post about my recovery so far... I went on the London workshop a few weeks ago, and I thought I'd wait a while before I posted on the board, to let the highs settle down and to let myself get back to "normality"! But basically, the normality hasn't come back! I cannot believe the difference the workshop has made to my life and in my mindset regarding this problem. For me, things happened at the workshop that I never thought would be possible, and I surprised myself. There was so much positivity buzzing around that weekend too, and all the people in the group were fantastic (I hope you're all doing well if you're reading this!). As mentioned in other posts, it's horrible walking into that room, but once you get to know people and get everything off your chest, it turns out to be a great weekend and you actually have fun! I wanted to wait before posting to see if I could manage on my own after the workshop, and it's made such a difference to me that I cannot stress enough the importance of attending one. When I woke up the next morning after the workshop was over, I thought I'd get back into my old habits without the support of the group. But if you want it enough and practice whenever possible, big advancements can be made. Personally, before the workshop there was no way I could ever use a urinal, and I basically needed to be enclosed with nobody around me to be able to go (so cubicles, locked bathroom doors etc were okay for me). By the end of the workshop I was able to go in a busy service station with dividers between urinals and even with someone standing a couple away from me. I was so happy that day with my progress, I couldn't believe it! Since then I have gone out and practiced quite a bit, but not taking huge leaps, just taking small steps, and I'm now at a point that I thought I would never reach, and it's only been a couple of months since the workshop. I can now go if it's busy or quiet as long as there is a divider and as long as the one next to me is free (I've yet to go stand right next to someone, but the way I see it is that "normal" people don't stand next to someone else anyway if they can help it!). Also, having a high level of urgency is much better. The biggest leap though is probably the feelings that I used to get before heading for the public toilets are no longer there. All the negativity and the nerves and panic just aren't there anymore. I now head to a toilet expecting to pee, and this is because of the positive times since the workshop must have changed my subconscious somehow, which might sound difficult if not impossible, but it's amazing how each success sticks with you, and you start to forget all the built up negativity. And if it's not the ideal toilet scenario, I just go to a cubicle because it's okay to, and I don't care, and again even "normal" people do this anyway! So if anyone is thinking about attending a workshop and keeps putting it off (I put it off for 5 years or so), you have to get onto one because they are so important. There is no way I would've made the progress I have done without it, and it really got me thinking of it in a different way. I'm hoping to step up my practice to slightly harder situations, but the key is to keep it small and don't let the misfires get to you. From a much happier AP sufferer! Fabio.

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